Tarantino Oscar Speech to Use ‘Nigger’ 108 Times

LA, California – Maverick filmmaker Quentin Tarantino, whose most recent movie Django Unchained has been nominated for five Academy Awards, said today that he was writing the greatest Oscar acceptance speech in history, one that will movingly honour the victims of slavery and calls for reconciliation and the final rehabilitation of the word ‘nigger’.

Tarantino is a passionate advocate of niggers, right to say ‘nigger’.

“Niggers be hurtin’, man,” jabbered Tarantino in his characteristic ranting fashion. “My movie shows the nigger truth – people hurting niggers, niggers hurting niggers, niggers shooting back at nigger-haters. That’s all American history right there.”

“Niggers,” he added after realising that his last sentence might not have shocked anyone.

Django Unchained has been nominated for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay, but many have criticised it for its frequent use of the ‘N_____’ word.

“I respect Quentin Tarantino as a vibrant and dynamic filmmaker,” said respected philosopher and critic Kwame Anthony Appiah. “And I understand the need for art to challenge conventions and expose society’s members to harsh truths. But I wonder if it was really necessary to use a word so charged with negative connotations of violence and oppression 108 times over the course of a three-hour movie.”

“I’m talking about ending racial hatred in this country, so you niggers better listen up.”

Tarantino scoffed at Appiah’s concerns, however. “Three hours?! I’m planning to use the word ‘nigger’ 108 times in five minutes during my Best Picture acceptance speech, nigger! Compared to that, Django Unchained is a fucking political correctness conference run by lesbians and shit. Some nigger thinks I shouldn’t do it, well, he needs to face up to the reality of his niggerhood. People in America, they be using the word nigger. I’m an American and I say nigger. As an artist, I’ve got to be true to myself and my cultural heritage.”

“Niggers,” he added, again realising that his last sentence could be quoted out of context to make him seem considered and thoughtful.

Tarantino said his greatest challenge would be to trying to say everything he wanted to say within the strict time limits for acceptance speeches.

“Man, I am going to be talking fast up there, real fast, you know, just like ‘niggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggerniggernigger’. I’m going to be like a fucking racist fire engine, man, I shit you not, if I’m going to make it to 108 before the music pisses all over my speech.”

“I hope Halle Berry gets to present the award, too, because then I can show everyone how much I love niggers at the same time,” hooted Tarantino, air-squeezing an imaginary set of breasts.

“That’s right, present it to me just like that, you nigger bitch!” yelled Tarantino.

As controversy raged, President Obama tried to calm the dispute by offering his characteristic absence of leadership. “Our great nation’s past was stained by the original sin of slavery. Quentin Tarantino is a great American artist dealing with that past, although I’m not sure he needs to use such inflammatory language. I guess it’s kind of a tough one.”

“Yup,” concluded the President thoughtfully.

Republicans were quick to fill the void left by the president. “I support freedom of speech,” declared House Leader John Boner. “No government regulation! Let the free market decide. Using nigger helped sell the movie and that’s all the validation it needs.

“Now that we know there’s a big market for it, I’m going to start using it myself,” continued Boner. “You know what’s wrong with America? Niggers! Particularly that nigger in the White House. We need to get all the niggers out, starting with him.”

Some filmgoers couldn’t see what all the controversy was about. When asked if he thought it offensive to label black people ‘niggers’, Scarlett O’Neck (43)of Alabama scratched her head in confusion and replied: “Well, what the heck would you call ‘em?”

The man at the centre of this controversy remains unrepentant, however. “Man, all this publicity, and I ain’t even made the speech yet! Ain’t no nigger got their finger on the pulse of America like old Quentin, baby.

“Maybe I should try and say nigger 109 times instead,” Tarantino mused.