Time Defends Nude Photos of Enda Kenny

Dublin – Representatives of Time magazine today defended their decision to publish, as part of their special issue on ‘The Celtic Comeback,’ photos of Taoiseach Enda Kenny in the nude.

“Stop concentrating on the smaller picture!”

Catherine Mayer, the European editor of Time, said: “Our coverage of Enda Kenny was comprehensive yet balanced. The nude photos were really only a small part of our feature. It’s just so typical of the Irish to focus on the smaller picture.”

When asked if the smaller picture was the one in which the naked Taoiseach’s erection was tastefully obscured by a shamrock, Ms. Mayer replied: “Yes, that one.”

Time magazine is regarded as one of the world’s leading political journals, having anticipated many of the century’s major developments. It made Adolf Hitler its ‘Man of the Year’ in 1938 for his efforts to bring about peace in Europe. In 1939 it gave the award, again for humanitarian work for peace, to Josef Stalin. It also named George W. Bush ‘Man of the Year’ – twice.

“Yeah, well, you get hits and misses,” said Ms. Mayer dismissively. “But our coverage of Enda Kenny is definitely a hit. The guy deserves recognition. And Time is committed to recognising his achievements, even if some of them had to obscured with a four-leaf clover.”

Ms. Mayer explained that she was motivated to do the cover story both by her desire to correct misperceptions of Enda Kenny in Ireland and her desire to see him in the buff.

Kenny joins such luminaries as Hitler, Stalin, and George W. Bush on the cover of Time.

“Sometimes you can really see things better from a distance,” said Ms. Mayer. “But Enda Kenny is someone you need to see up close and personal. The Irish are both too far away and too close to the problem simultaneously. They know unemployment is sky high, but not that Enda Kenny has a really nice butt.”

“What they need to see is both their Taoiseach’s virile masculine physique and that Ireland’s GDP has started inching up again after it’s catastrophic fall.”

When asked what that meant for unemployed, Ms. Mayer became exasperated. “Honestly, all of this has been explained by America’s finest economists! If your GDP goes up, then the whole pie gets bigger, so it doesn’t matter if you personally are getting less pie. What matters is there’s a lot more pie for you to have less of. And if most people are having less pie, that just leaves a lot more pie for their children.”

“To have less of.” She paused for a moment. “You’ll have to ask Mitt Romney for details. I think it’s 47% more pie for all those having less, or something like that.”

She apologised for being a bit inarticulate and said the photo of Enda Kenny cheekily looking over his shoulder at the camera while his hand slipped his underwear off one ass-cheek had momentarily flustered her.

After a glass of water, she explained that she was fed up with Irish perceptions of the Taoiseach as a political lightweight. “Enda Kenny is someone who has a gulf between the way he’s perceived in his own country and the way he’s perceived abroad. Irish people need to understand that Enda Kenny is the poster boy as far as the European Central Bank is concerned.”

Admittedly, this photo can make anyone lose their train of thought.

Upon being asked if she meant the same ECB that illegally forced Ireland to buy out bondholders of insolvent banks, thus forcing the Irish people to shoulder billions of dollars of someone else’s losses, Ms. Mayer replied: “Yes, that ECB.”

“The one whose actions towards Ireland were considered so needlessly harsh that even the IMF objected?” asked Michael Dooley of the Irish Times.

“Yes!” said Ms. Mayer irritably. “I mean, really, do you Irish have to be so narrow-minded about these things? If the ECB hits you, and then says it loves you, then that’s real love, right? There’s no loss of respect involved. That’s why publishing nude photos of the Taoiseach at this time is appropriate, so the ECB can realise it loves you all the more.”

Ms. Mayer concluded by saying criticisms of Time and Enda Kenny were unwarranted. “We wanted to show everyone just how well Ireland is doing by showing its political leader in the nude playing with an anal dildo shaped like a euro. Is that a crime?”

“Well, maybe, if we don’t advertise the magazine is for over-18s. But, anyway, I think the Irish people need to stand up and salute Enda Kenny.”

“After all, he’s standing up to salute you, even if you can’t see it behind the shamrock.”

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