UN Dispatches Administrators to Aid Libyan Rebellion

Misrata – As civil war between Libyan rebels and tyrannical dictator Colonel Gaddafi rages, the UN has responded by demanding the immediate dispatch of senior administrators, and called on the world to make sure they are adequately equipped with stationery.

The brutal conflict has already taken an immense toll on the people of Libya. A local doctor at Misrata told the BBC: “They bombed all the houses with heavy weapons. They intentionally gunned and exploded our drug store. They bombed even around our hospital but fortunately nobody was injured. More than five mosques which I know are bombed.”

Libyan refugees look hopefully to the skies for the arrival of the UN bureaucrats.

Libyan refugees look hopefully to the skies for the arrival of the UN bureaucrats.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon was quick to reprimand Gaddafi for his actions.

“I call for an immediate halt to the government’s disproportionate use of force and indiscriminate attacks on civilian targets,” read a statement from Mr. Ban’s office. “We would please ask Col. Gaddafi to use force proportionately, and be discriminating in his attacks on civilian targets.”

“I mean, was there really any good reason to blow up the drug store?” continued Mr. Ban. “I think there needs to be more common sense and respect for human values in the artillery shelling of your population.”

As tens of thousands of refugees flee the violence, the different UN agencies swung into action.

Valerie Amos, head of the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) said that she is “rapidly deploying a team to Cairo to reinforce the UN Resident Coordinator in Tripoli, Libya’s capital, and put in place immediately coordination mechanisms.”

"It's hard to tell from here if this particular act of violence is disproportionate or indiscriminate," said Mr. Ban.

"It's hard to tell from here if this particular act of violence is disproportionate or indiscriminate," said Mr. Ban.

“There is only one response to the violent and destructive actions of Col. Gaddafi in suppressing the rights of the Libyan people,” said Ms. Amos sternly. “The immediate dispatch to somewhere nearby of a team of crack bureaucrats.”

“Once in place these bureaucrats will proceed to compile reports on how we may best proceed to process the procession of refugees fleeing Libya, and what structures may be constructed to prevent the obstruction of the democratic desires of the Libyan people.”

Ms. Amos then called on the US to finally pay its UN dues, so the bureaucrats could have adequate supplies of notepads, pencils, printing paper, ink cartridges, staples, and paper clips.

As the OCHA raced to implement procedural guidelines for the draft formatting of provisional reports to the UN General Assembly for consideration in debating a resolution on the ongoing violence in Libya, the UN World Food Programme (WFP) took immediate action against the humanitarian crisis emerging on the ground.

Valerie Amos explains the critical importance of pens to the UN General Assembly.

Valerie Amos explains the critical importance of pens to the UN General Assembly.

According to Ms. Amos, the WFP is dispatching staff to the Egyptian and Tunisian borders to assess needs and “do contingency planning for delivering food assistance to people affected by the violence inside Libya, if there is a need and once the security situation allows.”

This contingency planning will require filing cabinets, folders, and biros to be effective, so the WFP is calling on all member nations to look in their office basements and see if they have anything they could spare.

“We want to go in and do proper assessments,” said Ms. Amos. “But we can’t do that unless the world’s leading nations agree to help us with our dire stationery shortages.”

“Surely the EU and US have plenty of stationery,” she grumbled. “Could they not spare some pencils and paper so we can do our jobs properly?”

One Response to UN Dispatches Administrators to Aid Libyan Rebellion

  1. 1651ce says:

    If any Aussie readers actually want to do this “for reals,” they should check out the Australia Civilian Corps (ACC), which is an initiative of the Australian Agency for International Development (AusAID) … http://www.ausaid.gov.au/acc/

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: