Climatologists Suspect Al Gore Behind Global Floods

Sydney – As Brisbane disappears underwater, Brazil sends in the army to try and deal with the ravages of severe flooding, and Sri Lanka struggles to deal with an unprecedented deluge, climatologists at a conference in Sydney have gathered to condemn Al Gore for his latest acts of eco-terrorism.

Thousands are fleeing the destructive power of Al Gore while the world's leading nations procrastinate.

Thousands are fleeing the destructive power of Al Gore while the world's leading nations procrastinate.

“It is often difficult to perceive patterns within seemingly random events,” said an official statement published after the conference. “But over time the long-term trends become clear. We can no longer consider it a coincidence that destructive floods have occurred in many regions of the globe since Al Gore released his documentary on climate change.”

“The inconvenient truth is clear: Al Gore is systematically causing mass flooding around the world.”

“We call on all nations to take action to stop Mr. Gore, for the sake of all humanity,” concluded the statement.

Al Gore, the former vice-president who narrowly lost the presidential election to George W. Bush in 2000, made a come back on the world stage with a brilliant PowerPoint presentation, for which he won both an Oscar and the Nobel Peace Prize.

Since then he has campaigned tirelessly and futilely for climate change, regularly denouncing how little action anyone is taking as conference after conference fails to produce any consensus, meaningful action, or respect for Al Gore.

Al Gore smiles evilly as his plans for world domination, destruction, come to fruition.

Al Gore smiles evilly as his plans for world domination, destruction, come to fruition.

Climatologists now fear that Gore may have resorted to more drastic measures in order to gain the world’s attention.

“While one act of flooding would seem unfortunate, two simultaneously would seem suspicious,” said Prof. Jemal Bahreini to reporters. “Three at the same time definitely points to the involvement of Al Gore.”

“Some of our satellite photos are now showing that flood patterns are spelling out the letters AG,” said Prof. Bahreini. “I think we all know what that means.”

Criminologists say that the patterns surrounding Mr. Gore had now become alarming. “In 2000 he narrowly lost an election he was in prime position to win, and shortly afterwards America suffered the worst terrorist attack in its history,” said Dr. Robert Park. “Then in 2006 it looked like he was convincing the world about the need for action on climate change, and nothing happened, and now we are being hit with unprecedented acts of eco-terrorism.”

“It’s beginning to look like the hunt for bin Laden was just a wild goose chase.”

Despite the mounting circumstantial evidence against Al Gore, the world’s leading nations still seem incapable of agreeing to a coherent plan of action.

Daily life continues in China despite Al Gore.

Daily life continues in China despite Al Gore.

“We developing nations did not create the problem of Al Gore,” said Chinese Ministry of the Environment spokeswoman Jinhui Wang. “Al Gore is primarily a creation of developed Western nations and they should be the ones to deal with the problem.”

“Meanwhile, we will just carry on as if Al Gore didn’t exist.”

The EU said that it had planned a multilateral approach to dealing with Al Gore, but was having difficulty with enforcement mechanisms. “Ja, naturally a multilateral international agreement is important,” said Torsten Lahm, head of the EU Environmental Agency. “But the thing is these agreements only work when everyone involved is German. We could ask the Greeks and they would say that they had done it, but we all know that this country is a case of baskets.”

“And let’s not even get started on those pixieheads in Ireland,” he said, lifting his glasses to rub his eyes exhaustedly. “But the biggest problem is the Americans.”

Many Americans continue to deny the existence of Al Gore.

Many Americans continue to deny the existence of Al Gore.

The USA is the world’s largest producer of Al Gore, but many Americans refuse to believe in the existence of Al Gore and the damage he is doing around the world.

“If there’s flooding then that’s the work of our good Lord Jesus Christ laying waste to the heathens,” said the head of the US EPA the Rev. Wilson Warnabacker.  “There ain’t no Al Gore. People tried to tell us there was Al Gore in 2000 and that we should all watch out for Al Gore – I didn’t see no Al Gore in the White House, did you?”

“This Al Gore nonsense is just a construction of the liberal media.”

Climatologists said they would continue to build evidence for the existence of Al Gore, but time was growing short to take action against the former vice-president.

One Response to Climatologists Suspect Al Gore Behind Global Floods

  1. nic says:

    ” “naturally a multilateral international agreement is important,” said Torsten Lahm, head of the EU Environmental Agency. “But the thing is these agreements only work when everyone involved is German. ” ”

    ok that’s it, you’ve killed me. I’m dead.

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