Culture Ireland Launches ‘Imagine Ireland – As It Isn’t’ Campaign

New York – Irish culture has always valued a ‘cute hoor’ who could screw something out of the government that she wasn’t entitled to.

"No, not that Ireland, imagine a different feckin' Ireland!"

"No, not that Ireland, imagine a different feckin' Ireland!"

Yesterday, the people of New York got their first taste of this great Irish tradition as musicians, actors, dancers, and performers cutely hoored €4 million out of the Irish government to go live in the US for a while as ‘representatives’ of the Irish people.

The ‘Imagine Ireland – As It Isn’t’ campaign was launched by Culture Ireland yesterday to introduce Americans to all the things that Ireland most definitely is not, in order to convince people abroad that Ireland is not the place it so obviously is.

This quixotic scheme will use taxpayers’ funds to help struggling artists get out of Ireland and into America, in order to show that the ‘cute hoor’ system of public administration is alive and well.

Said Colum McCann, winner of the 2009 National Book Award: “Imagine Ireland will change the perception of Ireland as ‘wrecked and reckless.’ We’ve had a bad run of it. It’s nice to pop back and say we’ve also been creating dance and making stories and films. It’s important that we get this particular part of the story out, because of the crisis.”

“It’s also important that we get ourselves out of Ireland, because of the crisis,” he added.

The old man with the accordion is one of the great myths of Irish culture.

The old man with the accordion is one of the great myths of Irish culture.

The ‘Imagine Ireland’ campaign features many of those great favourites of Irish mythology, such as the old man with the accordion and the guy with the thing that looks like a set of bagpipes but has some other name no one can remember.

“This is exactly the kind of trad music one can hear in pubs across the country any night of the week,” lied Minister for Tourism Mary Hanafin. “We’re just delighted that we could bring this imaginary Ireland to the people of America, and hope they will continue to believe in it despite the other news they might be hearing about Ireland at the moment.”

In order to showcase Ireland’s innovation as well as its tradition, the taxpayer has funded two naked women to perform modern dance.

“Nothing shouts ‘avant-garde’ like public nudity,” said Emma Fitzgerald of the postmodern dance troupe Fitzgerald and Stapleton, as she rehearsed for her performance by doing a handstand naked. “People may be wondering if there’s anything new and exciting and creative going on in Irish arts – a couple of women standing naked on a stage ought to convince them of our radical new ideas.”

“That ought to have them imagining all sorts of things about Ireland.”

Minister Hanafin said that by demonstrating Ireland’s youth, creativity, innovative spirit, and naked young women, Imagine Ireland would reap returns, for example in tourism and investment, far greater than the €4 million which the Government invested in the programme.

Emma Fitgerald and Aine Stapleton demonstrate Ireland's creativity.

Emma Fitgerald and Aine Stapleton demonstrate Ireland's creativity.

“I’m prepared to strip as well if it’ll convince ye to send some cash our way,” she said, as she pole danced around the microphone and threw her skirt into the crowd.

New Yorkers said they were impressed by the launch.

“Gee, it sure is exciting to see some of the great works of Irish drama performed here in Manhattan,” said Laverne van Dykeman (52). “I went to see the famous Abbey Theatre perform Henrik Ibsen’s John Gabriel Borkman and thought Ibsen’s use of language was amazing.”

“Only the Irish can write drama like that,” she said appreciatively. “But I didn’t really like that thing by, what’s his name, Samuel Beckett? He called it The End and believe me the end couldn’t come soon enough.”

“I’ve no idea what that was supposed to be about,” she added.

2 Responses to Culture Ireland Launches ‘Imagine Ireland – As It Isn’t’ Campaign

  1. Imagine Ireland says:

    Please be aware that the Imagine Ireland logo you have used is not the Culture Ireland campaign logo but belongs to Imagine Ireland Ltd, Irish Holiday Cottages & Self Catering Accommodation in Ireland.

  2. Pingback: Culture of ireland | Selfservhost

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