David McWilliams Doubts National Recovery, Own Importance

Dublin – Celebrity economist David McWilliams, sometimes unaffectionately known to the public as ‘Macker,’ was once a symbol of the Celtic Tiger, with his toothy grin, rampant ego and flashing mane of blonde hair.

McWiiliams in his prime captured Celtic Tiger Ireland's self-belief, superficiality.

McWiiliams in his prime captured Celtic Tiger Ireland's self-belief, superficiality.

However, as Ireland faces into years of economic hardship, so too does this once proud symbol of a national figure’s highest hopes for himself also seem down on his luck, as Macker wanders the frozen lanes of Dublin, pushing his wheelbarrow full of unsold books through the streets broad and narrow, his once youthful looks now fading to grey as he shuffles along muttering sound economic advice to himself, to which no one else listens.

The collapse of Macker happened rapidly this summer, when he published an article on 5 May 2010, entitled “Fatal Attraction to Euro Driving Us Over the Edge.” Reading over it and admiring his own populist mixture of erudite knowledge and everyman diction, Macker was struck with a strange sense of déjà vu, that he had written the exact same article before.

Checking over his slick personal website, Macker discovered that he has been writing the same article once a year for years now, and that nobody actually listens to him.

The shock that he is not the epicentre of Ireland’s political, economic, and cultural life unhinged Macker’s brain and he is since to be seen wandering around the streets of his native Dublin, a pathetic figure trapped in the memory of past glories.

Macker became unhinged when he realised no one was listening.

Macker became unhinged when he realised no one was listening.

Muttered Macker as he clutched a signed first edition copy of The Generation Game to his chest, “I told ‘em, I told ‘em, back in 2008 I said it, I said it,” he said, as he opened a shiny new dustbin to look for half-eaten apple cores. “Look!” he said, thrusting some crumpled and torn newspaper articles at random pedestrians. “16 July, 2008 – if all else fails, maybe it’s time to ditch the euro.”

“In economic history, no sovereign country has faced a property downturn, inspired by a ridiculous credit binge, resulting in such huge personal debts without devaluing its currency,” wrote Macker, his prose littered with the adjectives of aggrandisation Macker relentlessly applied to everything, especially himself.

Mumbling something about radical solutions to critical problems, Macker fumbled through his worn old overcoat for another tattered old article. “I said it again in 2009,” he lamented softly to himself and a stray cat that had stopped to pee on his jacket. “6 May, 2009 – ditching the euro could boost our failing economy. The obvious answer is to leave the euro, reinstitute our own currency, allow it to plummet to reflect the real competitive position of our ruined, feeble economy and start again.”

“I thought that if I said it, it must happen,” said Macker before suddenly turning in fury on some passing nurses. “Why didn’t it happen? Didn’t they know who I was? I’m David McWilliams, Ireland’s greatest celebrity economist!” he shouted, scaring them off like a gathering of serious economists with real research positions at an economics conference.

“We have to leave the euro!” he shouted, startling some pigeons into the air.

Sadly, Macker remains trapped in his delusional blue world of giant clocks and lasers.

Sadly, Macker remains trapped in his delusional blue world of giant clocks and lasers.

It is a sad decline for Macker, who in his heyday was selected as one of 250 Young Global Leaders by the World Economic Forum and hosted TV shows and documentaries that showcased his talents for hard-hitting self-promotion and soft-centred economic analysis.

His highpoint may well have been the documentary series Addicted to Money, in which Macker travelled the globe in search of truth, social justice, and publicity, often beginning his sentences somewhere in Brisbane before concluding them on the Golden Gate bridge.

“I was the Irish face of globalisation,” drooled Macker, as he fought a dog for a few discarded chicken bones in an alleyway.

Local man Paul Little (57), who has long known Macker and his family, said that what happened to Macker was a tragedy, but he was simply the right man in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Ireland isn’t really the place to go around giving sound economic advice,” said Little, shaking his head sadly. “David thought he could change all that through the force of his own personality and now just look at the result – he had to do a gig for TG4 last week to drum up enough money to boil some cats for soup.”

“If it’s any consolation to him, he’s as much a symbol of post-Celtic Tiger Ireland now as he was the Celtic Tiger at the height of the boom.”

One Response to David McWilliams Doubts National Recovery, Own Importance

  1. david mc williams says:

    briliant, love it , best david

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: