Economic Superheroes Suspect Supervillain Behind Global Economic Policy

Secret Supereconomist Base  – As the world slides towards decades of economic hardship, inevitably leading to conflict, suffering, and war, the world’s economic superheroes have finally realised that this is no regular depression.

In 2008, the wheels came off a worldwide boom as everyone simultaneously woke up to the fact that the free market joyride was a giant Ponzi scheme, in which we all borrowed other people’s money to sell each other houses we couldn’t afford. Since then, leading economists have insisted that governments apply the classic downturn remedy of increased stimulus to combat the lack of private sector investment and rising unemployment.

The economic superheroes met at their secret base to discuss the unknown supervillain threatening the global economy.

The economic superheroes met at their secret base to discuss the unknown supervillain threatening the global economy.

After two years of watching governments fight to do the exact opposite, economic superheroes have realised that something is badly wrong.

Paul Krugman, dressed in a spandex blue superhero costume with the golden Nobel Prize medal dangling from his neck, stood up before an impressive high-tech display of charts visually depicting the global collapse and addressed the team. “My fellow economists,” he said gravely. “For a long time now we have been accurately predicting what would happen, when it would happen, and how bad it would be. We have also been telling everyone how to go about fixing it, based on our superpower knowledge of economic models and macroeconomic policy.”

“But it’s now time to face facts. Not only is no one listening to us, they are doing the exact opposite of everything we say. There’s only one possible explanation,” he said, pausing before a pie chart showing the rapidly shrinking global GDP and grimacing.

“We are facing a supervillian more powerful, cunning, and devious than any we have ever fought before.”

Jeffrey Sachs despairs at the supervillain's powers.

Jeffrey Sachs despairs at the supervillain's powers.

Frowning, the superheroes looked around the conference table at each other, knowing in their hearts that Krugman was right and that this was the only possible explanation.

“Has anyone checked Madoff’s location recently?” asked Brad DeLong of Berkeley.

“Still in Sing-Sing,” said Joseph Stiglitz, shaking his head. “And Madoff was only small fry anyway. This is way beyond anything he’s done before. I looked up the Enron group as well, but they’re all laying low. This is something else,” he said, tapping his pencil of power against the table, trying to use his superabilities of rational thought and expert knowledge to comprehend the problem.

“I think you lot are looking in the wrong place,” said Morgan Kelly of UCD, his defiant, fearless stance accentuated by the cape billowing behind him. “Whoever’s doing this may have started in the US, but they’ve definitely moved their base to Ireland now.”

“In 2008, when the Irish banks asked for a blanket guarantee, I specifically and volubly opposed it because, while this might be a good idea if they faced a liquidity crisis, it would be a terrible idea if they were actually insolvent. And as they were insolvent, the people of Ireland now owe €70 billion to international bondholders.”

Even Krugman is beginning to despair about the ability of the superheroes to win this time.

Even Krugman is beginning to despair about the ability of the superheroes to win this time.

“My reasoning was clear enough even for Irish politicians to understand!” he cried in frustration. “The only explanation is that there was someone else there, someone behind the scenes who told them something else – the supervillain.”

The other economists nodded in agreement. Kevin O’Rourke of Trinity College jumped to his feet and pounded his fist on the table. “Morgan’s absolutely right!” he said despairingly. “He told them to their faces, and they told him to get lost. They took every wrong step they could take, from letting the housing bubble inflate, to giving the bank guarantee, to accepting that disgraceful deal from the EU.”

“Whoever this supervillain is, he or she was just too much for us.”

Barry Eichengreen spoke up. “They’ve even gotten to the ECB now. Its handling of the Irish crisis has been all wrong. They’ve never missed an opportunity to make things worse and now we’re facing a total collapse of the Eurozone, with all the economic hardship and political turmoil that will entail.”

Krugman raised his hands for calm amid the growing anxiety. “I know it looks bad, but we can’t give up!” he said, with a falling note of hopelessness creeping into the edges of his voice.

The world's greatest economists make their final stand before the statue of Adam Smith.

The world's greatest economists make their final stand before the statue of Adam Smith.

“Whoever this supervillain is, they’ve gotten to everybody, the US government, Wall Street, the EU, and particularly the Irish government. There must be some clue as to who it is? How could they be everywhere and nowhere?!”

As the supereconomists racked their mighty brains to come up with a plan to fight the greatest supervillain of all time, the tea lady began passing out trays of tea and biscuits. Looked around at the glum faces of the world’s economic superheroes, she said, “I ain’t college educated like you gentlemen,” while helping Amartya Sen find the milk and sugar. “But you don’t think, maybe, that the world’s politicians are just a bunch of dumbasses? And especially those ones in Ireland?” she asked, before pushing the cart back to the canteen.

One Response to Economic Superheroes Suspect Supervillain Behind Global Economic Policy

  1. Ray says:

    What about the cheese initiative? Cheese cannot be evil can it? Perhaps there is an axis of evil; Cheddar, Monterey Jack, and Colby. No no. I can’t even consider this line of reasoning. They’ve been our allies for too long.

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