O’Driscoll’s One-Handed Bar Pick-up Inspires Nation

Dublin – As the IMF bear down on Ireland’s weakly defended territory like a rampaging All-Black forward maul, the nation can still take pride in the heroics of legendary rugby captain Brian O’Driscoll, who added another highlight to his glittering scoring career last Saturday night with the wondrous one-handed bar pick-up of PwC girl No. 4.

O'Driscoll has long been one of Ireland's best and most successful players.

O’Driscoll (31), long regarded within the sport as one of the most instinctive and natural talents at bar pick-ups, thrilled fans with a superb exhibition of timing, deftness, speed and sheer opportunism as he homed in on the fabled PwC girl No.4 and swept her across the line into his bedroom scoring area.

His teammates were quick to praise O’Driscoll’s outstanding score.

“Yeah, what can you say about him?” said winger Tommy Bowe, shaking his head in undisguised admiration. “I mean, it was only a quarter chance really, it didn’t look on at all, but with Drico’s great hands and sure touch he just made it look easy.”

“But it’s not just natural talent,” said Bowe. “He’s out there every evening practicing and honing his skills in bars across Dublin. It’s that application that makes him the greatest.”

O’Driscoll is currently the leading scorer in Irish rugby history, easily surpassing previous debonair womanisers like Brendan Mullin and blonde bombshell Simon Geoghagan. O’Driscoll burst onto the scene with a marvellous hat-trick in Paris in 2000, when he scored three times in the space of 80 minutes, and hasn’t looked back since.

O'Driscoll's famed pick-up skills sometimes come in handy in rugby too.

Rugby expert Tony Ward said O’Driscoll was a national treasure. “Most players don’t even make it to 100 caps, and those who do are pretty much thinking about getting married and hanging up their disco pants. The great thing about Brian is he still has the hunger for it, even after all this time at the top.”

“Just look at how much work he had to do on Saturday to get PwC girl No. 4 down. I mean, even after the pick-up he still had two or three All-Blacks in his way, hovering around to see if they could maybe steal possession, but Brian just twisted around them and powered on to score. Great determination.”

Added Ward, “I was a bit of a player myself back in the day, but nothing like Brian.”

All-Black scrum-half Andrew Ellis was one of those in attendance when O’Driscoll made his wonderful pick-up and drive. “Yeah, I was in there trying my best to stop him, and maybe turn the ball over and give me a run. We’d heard all about PwC girl No. 4 and I was really hoping to have a crack at her myself.”

"Keith Wood would never have scored at all without good teamwork from me and the lads," said O'Driscoll.

“But if anyone’s going to get a score like that, I’m glad it was Brian. He’s been such a great player for so long, and he showed it again Saturday night.”

O’Driscoll himself was typically modest about his achievements.

“Well, it’s a team game,” he said. “There’s no such thing as an individual score. There were a lot of defenders around her, like the ugly girl and the gay man that every pretty girl arms herself with on a night out. I needed some of the lads to get in there and take them out so I could have a run.”

“I’ve set up a fair number of scores for them as well in the past. I mean, how else would Keith Wood ever have gotten so many if I wasn’t there to create the chances?”

“Of course I’m happy to be the one who got the glory, and it was a really great feeling to score with such a prestigious opponent, but all credit has to go the lads for fine preparatory work, and particularly Jamie [Heaslip], who was willing to play the role of the drunken arsehole harassing her so that I could play the good guy and come to the rescue.”

The fabled PwC Girl No. 4 said she was thrilled to have been part of such a wondrous score.

The last word must go to the fans who toasted O’Driscoll`s name across Ireland on Saturday night.

“Sure, he’s a fuckin’ genius!” said Harry Gowney (59) of Glasnevin. “I’ve seen them all – Mike Gibson, Willie John McBride, Tony O’Reilly – and there was never one like Drico for penetrating a defensive line and getting right into the danger zone.”

“When you think about all the things going wrong in this country right now, it’s enough to make you shoot yourself – or preferably your local politician and banker – but when you see committed young players like Drico gettin’ out there and givin’ it everythin’ where it counts, it makes you think there’s hope for this country yet.”

“No one deserves PwC girl No. 4 more than Drico,” he added stoutly.