Healy-rae Warns Israel about Settlement Housing Bubble

A delegation of Fianna Fáil local councillors, led by well-known TD Jackie Healy-rae, has warned the Israeli people about the dangers of creating a settlement housing bubble, much to their bewilderment.

The delegation, which is currently on an all expenses paid research trip through the southern Aegean and Israel to investigate sand quality on beaches, has been unexpectedly outspoken about the settlement issue, even though they were given explicit instructions from the Foreign Ministry not to mention it under any circumstances.

Healy-rae was on a taxpayer-funded research trip to the southern Aegean and Israel.

Healy-rae was on a taxpayer-funded research trip to the southern Aegean and Israel.

“Micheál Martin is like a dog with a sore arse and a sore foot,” said Jackie Healy-rae contemptuously. “He’s always worrying too much about whether to sit down or go somewhere else. I say, just say what’s on your mind and let the people know what you think.”

“After all, as one of Ireland’s greatest and most beloved politicians, everyone wants to know what I think.”

At a local reception for the delegation in Jerusalem, Jackie Healy-rae seized the opportunity to make known his thoughts on the pressing issues of the day.

“Israel is a great country,” he said, “and it’ll always have a friend in Ireland, once we forget about how Dev signed the condolence book for Hitler’s death and what happened to the Irish Jewish community in the ‘30s.”

“It probably wasn’t the best idea to establish an ethnic community in Limerick,” he said, to the confusion of listeners, who had no idea how a Jewish community could live in a short five-line poem, often with a humourous, ribald content.

“But as your friend, it’s only fair to warn you that you have a problem brewing here in the Holy Land, and the source of the problem is right there!” he cried, pointing with a dramatic flourish to the settlements of the West Bank visible in the distance. “I’m tellin’ ye now, lads, that those things are a disaster waitin’ to happen,” he continued, while a senior civil servant from the Irish embassy suffered a massive heart attack.

"A housing bubble waiting to happen," according to Mr. Healy-rae.

"A housing bubble waiting to happen," according to Mr. Healy-rae.

“You can’t just go around buildin’ wherever you feel like it,” thundered Healy-rae with majestic ignorance of the growing consternation in the audience.

“I saw the same thing happen in Killarney, with lads buildin’ houses away-o good-o as if the Yanks would always be there to buy whatever fool thing we threw up. Don’t rely on the Yanks always being there to bail you out, lads. They have enough problems of their own, what with all that sub-prime desert land in Iraq and Arizona,” he added with a meaningful nod, while a perplexed American embassy official tried to untangle Healy-rae’s cryptic message.

“And I know it may feel excitin’ to be in the cut-and-thrust of a big project, what with all the strong-arming and back-room dealing and law-bending needed to get planning permission on land that you shouldn’t really be allowed to build on, legally speaking,” Healy-rae continued, while the Irish ambassador desperately tried to find a Palestinian suicide bomber or Orthodox Jewish extremist willing to take him out before he went any further.

“And ye might be thinking to yourselves that the locals will whine on about the whole thing for a while and then quieten down again – maybe they will, you know, the Palestinians seem like the Irish in many ways – but you’re not thinkin’ about the cost to yourselves, lads!”

Mr. Healy-rae concluded his speech with what he hoped his largely Jewish audience would recognise as a traditional salute.

Mr. Healy-rae concluded his speech with what he hoped his largely Jewish audience would recognise as a traditional salute.

“I’m tellin’ ye now that ye’re in danger of creatin’ a housin’ bubble up in the West Bank. Sure, ya can’t just throw up a few thousand houses and expect property values to keep risin’,” he said authoritatively, while members of the audience looked around at each other in total bewilderment. “People’ll be bettin’ the farm on buildin’ houses, thinkin’ property values will always go up, then the bubble will burst and ye’ll be left with nothin’ except debts, debts, and more debts!” he roared, while the audience tried to work out which spelling of the word he meant.

“Those settlements may look good, lads, but, and I’ll tell ye this for nothin’ – beauty never boiled a pot.”

And with that Mr. Healy-rae strode imperiously from the stage, leaving his audience in stunned silence.

One Response to Healy-rae Warns Israel about Settlement Housing Bubble

  1. dotcom says:

    Housing bubble just starting, it looks like the news in 2006- “houses can only go up in price”, it’s almost the same as in Israel now. The housing prices our just too high for people to buy. I think the same things that happened in America in 2008 housing bubble will hit the Israeli market soon.

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