Cowen: “The last thing we need is an election campaign with parties who have totally different approaches.”

Despair increased across the nation today as it became increasingly apparent that Ireland is being led by a Taoiseach who has no idea how democracy works. In an interview with Stephen Collins of the Irish Times – “We can work our way through in a calm, rational way” (Oct. 23, 2010) – Brian Cowen openly revealed that he hadn’t the foggiest notion how democratic politics worked and even questioned the need for such a thing as democracy in the first place.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen argues that democracy is inefficient and unnecessary.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen argues that democracy is inefficient and unnecessary.

Said Cowen, “The last thing we need, I would have thought, is an election campaign with parties who have totally different approaches,” thus completely misunderstanding the most basic concept of democracy. When pressed on the issue, he said that an election would simply “bring more confusion than clarity and then there is the prospect of having to find a politically viable outcome after an election as to who would form a government and all the negotiations that that would entail and all of the changed positions that would automatically arise,” thereby arguing that a democratic transfer of power to representatives elected by the people would simply be too much hassle and that he didn’t need that right now as he had a country to run.

Professor of Political Science at Trinity College Dublin, Michael Conlon, said that he was “deeply disturbed” by the article. “The ancient Athenians insisted that the value of democracy lay in open public debate. For that reason, the art of rhetoric was highly prized as a way of persuading the city’s population to support or condemn certain political measures. The interest in rhetoric and the arts of persuasion and logical reasoning were also the cornerstones of the great flowering of philosophy and drama at the time, giving us the philosophical dialogues of Plato and the great tragedies of Sophocles. Removing the rationale behind political disputation will not just weaken our political institutions but also fundamentally damage our cultural life.”

“This country’s fucked,” he said bluntly, as he packed his suitcase and headed for the airport.

In a stunning move, Cowen also claimed that it was not necessary for the Taoiseach to have political legitimacy. Cowen was elected Taoiseach not by popular vote but by a coterie of craven Fianna Fáil backbenchers after Bertie Ahern stepped aside, and sees this as meaning that he can do whatever he wants to the country. Said Cowen, “My mandate as Taoiseach is the same as the mandate of any taoiseach of the country,” thereby asserting that the leader of a nation only requires the legal right to rule rather than achieving legitimacy by arguing for his qualities and policies before the people and letting them make a free and fair decision as to who is the right person to take charge of national affairs. This is all so much codology to Cowen, “who insists that the Coalition has a mandate to govern until May 2012 and that that mandate is not diminished because he was appointed without a general election.”

Professor Conlon, when asked for comment, said, “Not now, for fuck’s sake! I can’t get in contact with the wife and we desperately need to grab the kids and get the fuck out of this country before he declares himself Taoiseach-for-life! Get out of my fucking way!” before passing a fearful glance around at some suspicious-looking men wearing “FF” badges watching him from across the street.

A random Irishman (who wishes his identity to remain secret) reading the interview in the Irish Times.

A random Irishman (who wishes his identity to remain secret) reading the interview in the Irish Times.

Cowen’s announcement follows weeks of disturbing revelations that Ireland’s opposition parties have agreed to Cowen’s demands and dropped any semblance of having different approaches to the critical issues facing the nation. The new all-party budget talks on the austerity measures, which will devastate the Irish economy and force tens of thousands of young Irish people to emigrate in search of work, leave the Irish people with no choice even in the event of an election, which isn’t going to happen anyway. Unofficial sources said that both Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore agreed with Cowen’s political beliefs because neither of them had a hope of cleanly winning a democratic election.

After reading the interview, satirist Jon Rapid announced his intention to retire immediately, saying, “You can’t satirise Irish politics any more. Irish politics is a satire. All you can do is report it.”

One Response to Cowen: “The last thing we need is an election campaign with parties who have totally different approaches.”

  1. slarragy says:

    Yeah, this is a real howler. You wonder how 18 per cent of the population could still support this clown.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: